Understanding and Guiding Children's Emotions

Children's emotions can be big, sudden, and sometimes difficult to understand. Joy, anger, fear, or sadness are part of life from the very beginning. While adults can usually name and categorize their feelings, children initially experience them simply: their heart beats faster, tears flow, or anger suddenly becomes enormous.

Understanding what is happening inside oneself is an important developmental step. Parents can support their child in recognizing and expressing feelings, and gradually learning to manage them better.

Children must first learn how to deal with emotions

Children are not born with a complete understanding of their emotions. Emotional development begins in the first months of life and continues throughout childhood.

Babies primarily express their feelings through facial expressions, sounds, and movements. Toddlers experience emotions very intensely but often don't yet have the right words for them. A child might throw a toy on the floor even though they are actually disappointed. Or they might withdraw because a situation feels unfamiliar and frightening.

Only with time do children learn to:

• perceive their own feelings,
• express emotions verbally,
• recognize the feelings of other people,
• and cope with strong emotions.

How quickly these skills develop varies from child to child. The crucial thing is not that a child controls their emotions as early as possible, but that they are guided with understanding.

Naming and explaining feelings

An important step is to give feelings a name. Parents can gently describe what they observe in everyday situations:

"You're sad right now because Dad left." "You're angry because the tower fell over." "I think the loud noise scared you."

In this way, the child gradually learns to connect physical sensations and inner states with terms like joy, fear, anger, or disappointment. The phrasing should be understood as a cautious assumption. After all, only the child itself can learn what a particular feeling feels like to them.

As they get older, the terms can become more precise. "Sad" might become "disappointed," "anxious" becomes "uncertain," and "happy" becomes "excited." A larger emotional vocabulary helps children communicate more clearly.

All feelings are allowed

Sentences like "You don't have to be afraid" or "That's no reason to cry" are usually meant to be comforting. However, the child may perceive that their feeling is wrong or exaggerated.

It is more helpful to first acknowledge the feeling:

"I see you're scared. I'll stay with you." "You're really angry. That's hard for you right now."

This does not mean that every behavior is allowed. A child may be angry, but they are not allowed to hit anyone because of it. Parents can accept the feeling and at the same time set a clear boundary: "You can be angry, but I won't let you hit."

In this way, the child learns: My feelings are okay, but I can learn how to deal with them.

Parents are important role models

Children observe very closely how adults react to stress, disappointments, and conflicts. Therefore, it helps to express one's own feelings in simple words:

"I'm impatient right now and need a moment." "That annoyed me. I'll take a deep breath first."

This shows children that feelings are part of everyday life and can be openly named. At the same time, they learn possible strategies for dealing with strong emotions.

Parents do not always have to react completely calmly. A later apology can also be valuable: "I was very stressed earlier and raised my voice. I'm sorry." This shows adults that mistakes can happen and relationships can then be mended.

Stories help understand feelings

Sometimes it is easier for children to talk about a character's feelings than their own. Picture books and age-appropriate audio plays therefore provide good opportunities for conversation.

Parents can ask simple questions in between:

• "How do you think the character is feeling right now?"
• "How can you tell she's sad?"
• "What could help her now?"
• "Have you ever been that excited?"

This doesn't mean a story has to become a rigid learning program. Often, a brief thought that the child can pick up on themselves is enough. Stories show different situations and perspectives, making feelings easier to understand.

What helps with strong emotions?

During a strong emotional outburst, long explanations can quickly overwhelm a child. In that moment, they usually need security and support first to calm down.

Depending on the child and situation, these can help:

• staying calmly nearby,
• using few and clear words,
• offering a hug, but not forcing it,
• breathing slowly together,
• creating a calm retreat
• or simply enduring the feeling for a while.

Only when the greatest excitement has passed can you jointly consider what happened and what might help next time.

There is no single magic formula. Some children seek a lot of closeness, others need some distance first. Parents can observe what helps their child in such moments.

Playfully integrating feelings into everyday life

Emotional skills develop primarily in everyday situations. No special exercises are necessary for this. However, small playful impulses can help children get to know different feelings and find their own way of expressing them.

1. Discovering emotional faces

In front of the mirror, parents and children can try out different facial expressions together: What does joy look like? What do the eyes do when surprised? And how does the mouth change when someone is sad or angry? The child learns to perceive typical emotional expressions more consciously and later to recognize them more easily in other people.

2. Looking back at the day together

In the evening, each family member can talk about what was nice, tiring, or exciting that day. Questions like "What made you happy today?" or "Was there anything that annoyed you?" can make it easier to start. Parents can also talk about their own feelings, showing that every mood has its place.

3. Painting feelings

Not every child wants or can put their feelings into words immediately. When painting, they can choose colors, shapes, and lines for their current mood: Perhaps anger is red and wild, joy is yellow and round, or sadness is blue and very quiet. The point is not a specific result, but to find a personal expression for one's own feeling.

4. Letting cuddly toys speak

A cuddly toy can say that it doesn't dare, is sad, or is annoyed about something. Many children naturally develop ideas on how to help it and may discover solutions for similar situations of their own.

A familiar companion can also provide security when a child cannot yet find words for their feelings. Cuddly toys that grow with you can take on new roles again and again: Sometimes they need comfort themselves, sometimes they listen patiently, and sometimes they accompany the child through an exciting day.

The Lenabies from Lenabo also combine familiar cuddling with stories and other audio content. In this way, they can playfully create opportunities for conversation without the topic of feelings feeling like a rigid exercise.

Conclusion: Understanding feelings takes time

Recognizing, naming, and dealing with emotions is a long learning process. Children don't need perfect explanations for this, but rather adults who listen carefully, take feelings seriously, and provide guidance.

Every time parents put a feeling into words, stay calm with their child, or look for a solution together, the child gains valuable experience. Gradually, they learn: All feelings are allowed, and there are ways to deal with them.

Frequent questions about children's feelings

From what age can children name feelings?

Children increasingly begin to verbally express simple feelings like joy, anger, fear, or sadness in toddlerhood. However, vocabulary and understanding develop very individually and expand over many years.

Should you immediately calm an angry child?

Not every child can or wants to calm down immediately. The important thing first is to provide security and set clear boundaries if the child endangers themselves, other people, or objects. Once the strongest agitation has subsided, parents can talk about the situation together with the child.

What do I do if my child simply won't stop screaming?

When a child is very upset, long explanations or many questions usually don't help. Parents can first stay calmly nearby, provide security, and show with few words: "I'm with you." Depending on the child, closeness, a quiet place, or some distance can be beneficial. It is important that the child does not hurt themselves or others.

If the child cannot be calmed immediately, it does not mean that the parents are doing something wrong. Sometimes a strong feeling simply needs time. Those who reach their limits may briefly take a break or gain distance, provided the child is safe. For babies: Never shake them.

How can I encourage my child to talk about feelings?

Open questions, genuine interest, and conversations without pressure are helpful. Stories, pictures, and cuddly toys can make it easier to get started. If the child doesn't want to talk right now, that should also be respected.

How do children learn to deal with strong emotions?

Children learn to deal with strong emotions through repeated experiences and the guidance of trusted adults. Parents can help them name feelings, stay calm with them, and together find suitable ways to cope with anger, fear, or sadness.